In the company of ducks...

The dog and I did the walking thing again this morning. We went to the same area as yesterday but took a slightly different route that followed a small woodland stream for a while before turning us towards the more open ground of Eelmoor Plain. As usual, the dog was just ambling along, only stopping to deep sniff a grassy mound or poke around an interesting tree. Occasionally she would stop to lap at some tasty mud puddle, which was probably full of midge larvae or something equally horrible. On our walk, we were not alone. We had company; two ducks, a duck couple in fact, out on their morning waddle. These ducks were pretty cool in the way they reacted to our intrusion; just a couple of quacks, a shake of the tail feathers and a slow wander off down our now shared path. The dog and I were fine about this situation, I mean they were by the stream first, so we just fell in behind them and the four of us, in single file, waddled along in the morning sun. Ho, hum.    

What a difference a day makes...

As you may know, I'm a runner who can't run. It's not my fault that I can't run; you try it with a stainless steel pin sticking out of your foot. Walking is difficult too and I have only been managing to hobble for about 50 metres or so before things get sore. Today though, I decided to push the envelope and took the dog out for a proper walk. Well, she walked and I hobbled but we did manage to complete a circular walk of about 1/4 mile or even just a smidgen over that distance, so that was pretty good. This walk was off road too and I was well pleased with that, especially as the sun was shining and the air was fresh. No idea how long we took. Time didn't figure in our plans today. We just walked the walk of nature and enjoyed the passing moments. The photo of the dog, Ellie the Deer Hound, was taken on my rather old mobile phone this morning, hence the not so good quality. Location was east side of Eelmoor Plain, Aldershot, Hampshire UK. Have a nice day.

A poem for the third age...

For me, the third age is here. I am eligible for a free bus pass or discounted rail travel and I get free NHS prescriptions. I could be a bona fide member of SAGA (Sex and Games for the Aged- joke!) and U3A (University of the Third Age) if I wanted to; it's just that I don't want to at the moment thank you. When I came across the W.H. Davies poem Leisure, I also happened upon a poem written by Primo Levi called To My Friends. This poem appears to be an 'ode', an address to the many people that one meets over a life time; some who pass by in a moment and some who stick around for a while - all though, leave their mark on you forever. To all those who have come my way then; from childhood to troubled teenage years, from marriage (the first time) and false friendships to the freedom of divorce and renewal, from new found careers to retirement and of course to present and future friends too, this poem is for you.   

To My Friends

Primo Levi 

'Dear friends, and here I say friends

In the broad sense of the word:

Wife, sister, associates, relatives,

Schoolmates of both sexes,

People only seen once

Or frequented all my life;

Provided that between us, for at least

a moment,

A line has been stretched,

A well-defined bond.

I speak for you, companions of a crowded

Road, not without its difficulties,

And for you too, who have lost

Soul, courage, the desire to live;

Or no one, or someone, or perhaps

only one person, you

Who are reading me: remember

the time

Before the wax hardened,

When everyone was like a seal.

Each of us bears the imprint

Of a friend met along the way;

In each the trace of each.

For good or evil

In wisdom or in folly

Everyone stamped by everyone.

Now that the time crowds in

And the undertakings are finished

To all of you the humble wish

That autumn will be long and mild.

A poem for my running...

The following poem by W.H. Davies seems to fit quite nicely with my recent blog; 'Why do I run?' Hope you enjoy it - that's if you see it of course. 

Leisure (adapted)

W.H. Davies

'What is this life, if full of care,

We have no time to stand and stare?

No time to stand beneath the boughs,

And stare as long as sheep and cows.

No time to see, when woods we pass,

Where squirrels hide their nuts in grass.

No time to see, in broad daylight,

Streams full of stars, like skies at night.

A poor life this if, full of care,

We have no time to stand and stare'.

! Just a note... I found this poem in an article written by Sheila Hancock called 'I dreamed that John had come back', in The Mail on Sunday, 24 May 2009. 

A mouse in my garden...

I only have a small garden. No more than a backyard to some but green and full of life regardless of its size. There are snails and slugs, butterflies and bees, damsel flies and tadpoles; water boatmen and newts swim next to the goldfish in the tiny pond. Beetles and jumping spiders crawl about on the ground. Birds visit the bird table and perch on the hanging feeder that swings in the breeze on the one and only tree. Yesterday, my wife pointed out to me the activities of a very small mouse that darted in and out from under the ivy, purposeful in its continual hunt for food. It ignored us all; the two humans, a sleepy cat and a couldn't care-a-less deer hound. Ah, what a nice day.

I'm scared...

I'm scared. I'm really scared. The Blairites are rising. In the aftermath of a weakened government, the Blairites slither with anticipation; their suckered tentacles reaching out to ensnare the nation once more. In the darkness Blair and Brown whisper. HE advising Him on how to save the day for New Labour. This from the man who committed our nation to an illegal war. This from a man who considers all children to be potential criminals and along with the rest of us, to be potential terrorists as well. All this from a man who says God will be my judge, thereby denying all personal blame and responsibility for his questionable actions. According to Mrs Blair, Mr Blair, she hopes, will be remembered as a statesman equal in rank to that of Winston Churchill. According to three Welsh MP's and a few others, Mr Blair is a war criminal; they tried to impeach him for it when he was still Prime Minister but unfortunately failed. Mr Blair is now of course a very expensive Middle East Peace Envoy and a would be policy adviser to the Pope on condoms. Where next for the Celebrity that is Tony Blair?

!Please note that views expressed here are those generated by reading and listening to the many newspaper, TV and radio reports about the goings on of Mr Blair. Therefore I can in no way except responsibility for what I have written here.

Marcus Aurelius on Westminster MP's...

From reading and listening to the many news reports coming out about MP's expenses, it appears to me that some of our(?) MP's have been actively pursuing a hidden career in property acquisition and profiteering - all paid for by the tax payer. No wonder they wanted to avoid public scrutiny. No wonder they wanted anonymity from the Freedom of Information Act. Some of these MP's like Anthony Steen believe that we common people are 'just jealous' because he has a large house. Marcus Aurelius has a different view. This is what he has to say on the matter... 'Men seek retreats for themselves, houses in the country, sea-shores and mountains; and thou too art wont to desire such things very much. But this is altogether a mark of the most common sort of men,...'. Hmm, I like that. It suggests a certain vulgarity about Mr Steen's comments and behaviour, which of course is something he appears to have in common with a few other MP's. Out of interest Marcus Aurelius goes on to say... 'for it is in thy power whenever thou shalt choose to retire into thyself. For nowhere either with more quiet or more freedom from trouble does a man retire than into his own soul, particularly when he has within him such thoughts that by looking into them he is immediately in perfect tranquillity; and I affirm that tranquillity is nothing else than the good ordering of the mind. Constantly then give thyself to this retreat, and renew thyself; and let thy principles be brief and fundamental'. Perhaps a new-born Parliament should look to Marcus Aurelius for guidance on principal and moral virtue before rising from the ashes of disgrace.

Outburst MP... his money or mine

From the Times, Friday 22 May 09 -

'In an astonishing outburst Mr (Anthony) Steen, who spent £90,000 on his second home, including big sums for lopping trees, said that his critics were jealous because he lived in a large house. He blamed the Freedom of Information Act for his plight and asked what right the public had to interfere with his private life'.

No wonder David Cameron made this egocentric idiot apologise. No wonder Westminster is in the mess it's in. I describe Mr Steen as being egocentric because his sense of worth appears to depend on position and possessions - i.e. enjoying the power and benefits that come with being an MP and owning house large enough to reflect his, self-defined, status, whatever that is. I don't have a problem with him owning a large house but I do have a problem with him using public money for its upkeep and then saying that it's none of our business. It is our business Mr Steen, especially so if public money is being used for something that cannot be described as being connected with parliamentary business, such as lopping your trees. Perhaps you were influenced by the duck house MP, Sir Peter Viggars and perhaps you should follow him out of the pig trough that is Westminster - Oh, you are.

More on your body speaks your mind...

I'm still at the beginning of my quest to sort out my body-mind issues as described in my earlier blogs. As part of this beginning phase, I have yet picked up another dust laden book that tells me how I can, with effort, reverse my biological age and in so doing improve my physical and emotional well-being. Sounds good to me. This new information also fits very well with my recent efforts to identify and understand what on earth is going on in my life or perhaps more fittingly, what is not going on. On randomly opening a page of this book, Grow Younger, Live Longer by Deepak Chopra and David Simon (Harmony Books 2001), my eyes fell almost immediately onto the following words: 'Ayurvedic healing tells us, 'To know a person's experiences from the past, examine their body now. To know a person's body in the future, examine their experiences now'. Well, that's a clear enough message if ever there was one and it mirrors exactly what Debbie Shapiro is saying in her book Your Body Speaks Your Mind, (Piatkus 1996). Grow Younger, Live Longer is, according to the authors', 'a manual for renewal'; a guide to improving physical and emotional well-being, thus enabling the reader (and practitioner) to reclaim the ability to tap into their inner reservoirs of unlimited energy, creativity and vitality. This is known as 'reversing your biological age'. Scientists say that there are three different ways of characterising a person's age and describe them as being, Chronological, Psychological and Biological. Very simply these three ages can be defined as follows:

Chronological age - The time line of our life from birth to death - what your birthday is for. 

Psychological age - Our subjective experience of how old we actually feel - God, I feel old today. 

Biological age - Physiological systems measurement - are you older or younger than your chronological peers?

What's this got to do with running? Well, I surmise that if I can alter my life perceptions and thereby improve my emotional well-being, my physical body might just improve too; it will be kink free and that could mean better running... or maybe not. Whatever, I'm just going to heed those Ayurvedic words; 'To know a person's experiences from the past, examine their body now. To know a person's body in the future, examine their experiences now'.

Byee.

Why do I run?

I run to be 'in nature'; 'To see a world in a grain of sand, And a heaven in a wild flower'. 

William Blake, Auguries of Innocence

I run to escape the noise and pollution of our world and I run to find the silent places; they do exist you know and I'll run to take you there one day. I run to be alone and, to share with others. I run to see the trees and to feel the wind. I run to stop along the way; to silently watch the kingfisher, the heron, the badger and the deer; to watch the small beetle cross my path and to see the colours of the light and shade. I run because I'm lazy and I run to see how far I can go. I run to free my mind and to loosen my limitations. I run to make sense of life and I run to put past hurts behind me. I run to feel the seasons; to feel the sun, the rain and the snow and I run to touch the breath of life. 

The toilet as a significant other...

Hmm, I settled on this subject, as I have nothing better to do at the moment. As a runner (forget that I'm presently not running), toilets have significance for me. Their role in easing the bodily concerns of a runner are paramount and correlate directly with pace, speed and fluidity of one's running style. If you have ever had that buttock clenching experience, colloquially known as the 'turtles head', then you know what I mean! You can see the evidence of the humble toilets importance at most race events; long queues of runners forming in front of the massed ranks of porta loos, all waiting anxiously 'to go' and repeatedly checking watches against the official clock, wondering if they will make it to the start line in time. Desperate late comers to the queues are faced with a lonely walk back across what will become an empty start area - their PB hopes left behind in the toilet. A further manifestation of toilet importance can be evidenced by the many pre race discussions that take place between runners, usually about the number of toilets available, ease of access and the hope that some might be found along the race route itself. Similar discussions take place at post race debriefs too. Here direct comparisons are made about the number and quality of the toilets available at a particular race as opposed to another. This is not just about UK races but also races elsewhere in the world - the Berlin Marathon compared to the London Marathon for instance. The importance of toilets is not lost on mountain marathon and trail running events either; long gone are the communal mid-way camp bogs of old (a hole or trench in the ground) and even the smaller trail races provide runners with a porta loo or two these days. Toilet etiquette is something all runners should know about and practice too. Some races, like the Burnham Beeches 1/2 Marathon, have rules about where you can and cannot pee. Get caught peeing in the woods here and you could be be disqualified! Books have been written about toilet etiquette. One book with over 300,000 copies in print to date, tackles the whole subject of the environmental impact of poor pee hygiene and how by just following a few rules, you can reduce and even stop further damage from occurring. So next time you plunge into a bush, just remember... 'When nature calls, observant caution is always the recommended approach in picking out a place to relieve oneself.''      

Angry man 2, it's not just me...

Linked to my Angry man blog, posted 6 May 09

See, I told you so. There I am blogging about anger, especially that sneaky stuff and Bobs-your-Uncle, there's a report about it in the papers - 'A nation in fury... Britons are the angriest people in Europe' (Daily Mail, Friday May 15, 2009). Apparently, we Brits, according to a survey, fly into a rage an average of four times a day. Italians only get angry three and a half times a day and the French three times. And, according to a study undertaken by the Mental Health Foundation, at least one in four Britons is battling an anger problem. What is it that makes us an angry nation? Well, endless traffic jams for one and people swearing loudly in public. How about being put through to a foreign call centre when all we want to do is complain. 48% of Brits hate queue jumpers and 43% get infuriated in traffic jams and ill-mannered neighbours got more than a third of Brits hot under the collar. Of course, all this national anger is now being stoked further by the dodgy MP's debacle. I actually know other people who are angry. They come from a wide range of backgrounds and although we all live in different parts of the UK, we are united in anger. In Trade Union terms, we are Brother's - perhaps we should have a banner - yeh, the angry brigade rules! 

Running haiku... must stop, OCD threatens

There are quite a few examples of running haiku to be found on the Internet. Some of those included here belong to members of the Dead Runners Society, some are from other sources and one or three are my own.

Black clouds approaching
I am too slow, they catch me -
Thank God for Gortex

Running the towpath

The smell of fresh brewed coffee -

Happy boaters smile

He is much faster
So it is Marc I follow -
Hope he is not lost.

Rain slashing streetlights

Shoulder's hunched, caps pulled down tight -

Running partners wait

Blissful, warm blankets

Spose'd to run five at Tempo -

Maybe tomorrow....

Fluid and flowing

Cold and ceaselessly running - 

Not me, just my nose

Early morning run

The frozen lake my witness -

Hot chocolate waits!

Loud cheers, crowd goes wild

Winner surges and takes the prize -

Second one too late

Is that a Nike?

Mud and dust obscures the brand -

Trails need no name

Flicker of shadows

Slice into shards of daylight -

Bright as a friend's laugh

and finally...

Petzl headlights ON

Root unseen, shoots from the earth -

My running mate gone

Dusty Provence trail

In front, a Mirage morphing -

Ah, Holby City nurse

Haiku or senryu... a correction required

Today I found out that my blog Haiku for Westminster is in fact a verse form known as senryu. Although haiku and senryu are identical in form (5-7-5), they are very different in content; haiku is somewhat austere and tends to deal with the Natural World, for example seasons. In contrast senryu are more relaxed and contain wry observations on everyday occurrences and the human condition.

Source, Kenneth Verity. 

One more Westminster senryu then...

Plasma screen wanted

Fun and games in the bedroom? -

Cheeky Girl waiting

and one for me...

Breathing with the mind 

Ignorance diminishes -

New learning occurs

Byeee

Haiku for Westminster...

My attempt at Haiku - being written in English, it's not the pure form but it fits the current Westminster theme of greed and arrogance.

Ego flying high

Crashes to destruction -

Indignation!

A high tide rising

MP's screaming from within -

Money flows like sap

Motorbike MP

Red hair blazing in the sun -

Second home floozy

The Speaker, speaking

Hears no one questioning -

Authority dies

Corruption exposed

Worms turn under the green turf -

An election looms

A faulty system?

Lets make hay while the sunshines -

Expenses flow in

System crash, oh no!

Rot exposed to the daylight -

Rats scurrying home

Expense claims shredded

Man 'O' War avoids the fray -

The Dung heap belches

More later.

My body-mind stuff continued...

Linked to blog My body speaks my mind posted 5 May 09.

Well, I've cross-referenced the relevant sections of Debbie Shapiro's book, Your Body Speaks Your Mind, with my list of injuries and ailments, and I have been enlightened. What I will or can do about this though, is another matter. What follows is a list of those injuries and ailments along with a description of the associated body-mind messages that are supposedly shouting at me and telling me to - 'do something!'

FEET - hammer/claw toe, dislocation, broken big toe - left side.

Feet are associated with being independent, moving forward in life and being connected to earth, to the reality of the physical world - i.e. extending forward on the journey through life, Growing up by 'standing on your own two feet' and not being taken advantage of by 'putting your foot down'. These things indicate our feelings about where we are going. If, for instance, there is fear of what lies ahead - perhaps due to old age, illness, or insecurity - then toes may curl or the feet become sore so that we cannot walk easily. This stops us from moving forward, as if we are trying to stop the future from happening. Or it may feel as if there is nowhere to go, so why bother'.

ANKLES - repeated twisting of ankle - 70/30 split right/left side.

Twisted ankles are associated with lack of flexibility and problems with the direction your are going in. They support our entire weight - if an ankle slips the whole body falls to the ground. Support is the key word, as the ankles reflect the support we depend on, not just from others around us but from the inner support system we have built for ourselves. The strain is to great, causing energy to buckle and twist. Are you being pulled in different directions? Do you need to change direction? Also indicates trauma and rejection, inner psychological, emotional and spiritual problems associated with beliefs, convictions, meaning and purpose. Phew! 

 

LEGS - broken leg, left side.

Signifies conflict at the deepest level - i.e. about where you are going or if it would be better to go in a different direction. Unable to stand up for yourself? Loss of standing? Unsupported? What is happening to your movement in the world?

PELVIS - hip/pelvis problems - right side.

The pelvis forms a ring of bone that forms a pivot between the upper and lower halves of the body, balancing the realm of action and creation above with the world of direction and movement below. The pelvis is the centre of movement: from here the legs take that movement out into the world, enabling us to stand on our own and walk our own path. Fear of movement - perhaps fear that there is nothing to move towards (felt most by the elderly), or fear of where we are going - then the hips will reflect this. A problem here indicates deep fear of change, an inability to let go of the past. Stiff hips are a sign of resistance to change, perhaps in work or living situation - i.e. retirement. Also connected to intimacy and trust in relationships. Past hurt can cause withdrawal of energy from this area.

BACK - lower back problems.

The pillar of our being, giving support and strength, uprightness and dignity. Not only physical injury but also psycho/emotional issues that have caused tension, weakness or contraction in the back prior to an accident. The back represents the unconscious because it is where we dump issues or feelings that we don't want to deal with - they are kept well out of sight there. If we can't see them, how can anyone else? Survival issues connected here. Being overloaded. Pressure - is someone being a 'pain in the back'? Expresses all the weight and responsibility of being human. Isolation? Pressure here flows to legs (nerve system) affecting movement forward, sometimes creating numbness in feet and legs.

HANDS - small injuries to hands - 60/40 split left/right side.

As children we develop our mental capacities by working with our hands. When brain activity diminishes, such as a stroke, so does dexterity. Hands are where we create, they represent all the ways we do things and all the feelings we have about what we are doing. Our hands go out ahead of us to meet the world and they symbolise how we are handling life or are being handled. Hands are 'wrung in anguish', 'gripped in desperation'. We can let things 'slip through our hands' or we can 'grasp them - perhaps to tightly. Fingers stretch out into the world and often get damaged before other parts of our bodies. Extending too far? Moving to quickly and in the process not being aware of details along the way? Fingers show insensitivity to subtler/smaller issues. Bent fingers indicate change in direction - pointing away as if reaching out into new areas of experience. 

ARMS - broken arm - right side.

Arms express the energy coming from the heart out to the world, through hugging, touching, expressing and caressing. Open arms are an expression of fearlessness and acceptance. Folded arms close across the heart, putting a protective barrier between ourselves and others; the message is 'Stay clear, keep your distance, intimacy not wanted'. Arms manifest inner desires and longings - are you doing what you want to do? A broken arm indicates a deep level of conflict with your activity. What does a broken arm stop you from doing? Does it stop you from hugging someone, from going to work? Do you need a break from what you are doing?

SHOULDER - left side.

The shoulders are where we 'shoulder our responsibilities'. Taking on other peoples problems or taking on burdens that are not ours can start to weigh very heavy. Avoiding our own issues? Tense shoulders may mean that you are carrying to many burdens. Shoulders are our doing centre. From here doing and creative energy flows down the arms and into the hands where it emerges in what we do in the world - applies to work and to the way we live, i.e. relationships, feelings etc. Tense shoulders can indicate that we are not doing what we would like to do. Place where energy becomes blocked - frozen shoulder? Hunched shoulders indicate a desire to protect the heart or chest by closing in. 

NECK - left side.

Through the neck and throat we take in that which gives physical life - water, food and air - and we share outwardly our feelings about that life. From the head come thoughts and experiences that go down into the body to be translated into action. From the body, the responses come up into the head to be expressed - the neck is a mediator between these two, a bridge between the absolute and the relative. A natural cut-off point, this is where a mind-body split is often found, especially if the two-way communication between the intellectual mind and the feeling heart is in anyway conflicting. A drooping head implies a giving up attitude, an inability to face what lies ahead. Free movement indicates openness of mind, acceptance of other's views. Stiff/painful neck indicates that only own views count, Prejudiced/resistant towards someone. Narrow minded in attitude. Someone being 'a pain in the neck?' Stiffness can imply stubbornness or inability to make a decision.

HEAD - scalp wounds and Tinnitus.

The control centre: from here all orders for action, the intelligence that governs those actions, the responses to information received and the maintenance of all our physical and psycho/emotional systems. Through this centre we reach upwards to the heavens to discover vistas of abstract wisdom and spiritual awakening, and we reach outwards and downwards into the world to explore the realms of individual, relative communication and creativity. The head is the container for this meeting of the abstract and the relative. A crack to the skull can indicate a great longing to expand and grow from within but is restricted by outside circumstances; it is like a shell breaking to let the new emerge. Represents conflict between physical demands or reality of the world and a deeper spiritual desire/motivation. Tinnitus is the ear's way of getting our attention, especially if it drowns out all other sounds. A reminder to listen to what is being said. Ringing makes us focus inwards, to listen to our own voice, to pay attention to what is going on at home.

MY SCORE.

While doing this exercise, my feeling was that I might actually come out quite a balanced individual. But my scoring shows otherwise! To score I simply added together how many left/right side references there were, identify what was strongly indicated for my particular injury/ailment and then apply the outcome to my body power balance. In my case the score was:

7 to 3 in favour of my left side. Oops! A few things to sort out here then. 10 references to being dissatisfied with the direction I'm going/not going in (I knew that). 3 references to past life issues/experiences - I know what that's about too!

BODY POWER BALANCE - left or right? Okay, okay, it's left!

The right side of the brain controls the left side of the body and vice versa. Left brain is logical and rational side involved with daily work, assertiveness and decision making. Right brain is creative and intuitive side, involved with home life, relationships, feeling and insight. Applies to the body, particularly if one side of the body tends to get hurt more than the other. Right side of body represents the masculine in both men and women - to give and to be dominant/assertive; it is the authoritative and intellectual part of our being; involved with the world and work, our job or function in society. Reflects feelings about being a man and functioning in a competitive world. Reflects feelings towards own masculinity and masculine qualities - no problems/issues raised for me here. Left side of body represents the feminine in both men and women - indicates ability to ask for help, to receive, or to surrender; to nourish and care for others. Includes how one feels about being a man and connecting with the ability to be tender and loving - I'm okay with this. Also reflects feelings about females in ones life - mother, sister, wife or daughter. Conflict in this area may manifest on left side - tell me about it!

What next?

There's a phone ringing in my head but I haven't been listening. The phone call is about the 20 messages lodged in various parts of my body, all telling me that I'm going the wrong way in life and that I've got some baggage to get rid of. I've read them now, so I'd better do something about it. So what about my running? How does this exercise fit with my running? It doesn't, except that not being able to run, being forced to rest, has given me the space to discover and consider a few things about me that are in need of correction or need changing in some way. It may be that I simply embarked on this exercise just to; fill my day; to avoid the mental boredom that comes with forced rest and physical inaction. Running then, or more the lack of it, is responsible for the predicament I now find myself in and maybe, just maybe, I'll be back running stronger and faster than before. Who knows.

I wouldn't want to be a policeman...

The shooting dead of the distraught pensioner Mervyn Tussler makes me ask why the police do not shoot to disable someone who is perceived to be a threat, rather than shoot to kill, if shooting is indeed at all necessary. I wouldn't want to be a policeman mind you (well apart from being a traffic cop), as they are nearly always in a no win situation. Just look at the tube shooting affair and the recent violence portrayed in the London G20 protests. We need them to protect us from crime and in these days, the threat of terrorism but if they appear to overstep the mark then we come down on them like a ton of bricks. They don't always help themselves of course but even then I have some sympathy, as they are required to uphold the law as dictated by our less than glorious government. An example of this would be the curtailing of our right to free speech and to make protest, as demonstrated by the lady, who a few years ago, stood at the Whitehall Epitaph with a roll of toilet paper in her hand. She was arrested under the terrorist act and thrown into a police cell, all because we are no longer allowed to protest near No. 10 Downing Street, which of course is the seat of power as proscribed by Mr T Blair. This lady was harmless and was making a valid point but that didn't count for anything in what for some is becoming (is?) a police state. What's this got to do with the pensioner? Well how about the possibility of over reacting for one thing. ! Latest news suggests that the police did have a need to shoot, as they themselves were in danger. What a human tragedy - lost his wife to the state, then she loses him to Death.

It makes you sick... or piggies in the trough

It does you know. It makes you sick to hear about the greed and arrogance that is rife in Westminster these days. The Sunday Times carried a story (page 2) yesterday about the greed of the Commons Speaker, Michael Martin where he is alleged to have said 'I want what is owed to me'. I don't think this statement is about reimbursement of personal monies spent in connection with work, it's more about being owed as a right because of the high office he occupies. This man, as Speaker, is also the Chairman of the Commons Commission, the body responsible for the administration of Parliament, part of which includes the management of MP's expenses. Bit of a problem here then. Bit of a clash of interests. I fail to see how someone who feels that they are 'owed' can oversee MP's expense claims in an appropriate manner. Just won't work. It goes further than that though. According to the Mail on Sunday, when warned by Andrew Walker, the parliamentary finance chief about MP's excessive claims, Mr Martin allegedly told him not to meddle... and that was more than 5 years ago! As the Commons Speaker, Mr Martin is also responsible for the reform of MP's expenses but according to the same reports in the above papers, he has failed to take this forward through his intransigence and probably the fact that his own expense claims are being questioned. In my view the office of Speaker should show proper regard for the public purse and should clearly demonstrate tight control over MP's expense claims. It does appear that the current post holder is the antithesis of this requirement and should therefore be removed. I see from the latest news that MP's and the government are blaming 'the system' for this mess but surely even if the expense trough is brimming with public money, MP's should exercise restraint and demonstrate that they are worthy of the posts they hold. Oink, oink. 

Angry man...

I'm angry. I was born angry. I've collected lots more anger on my way through life and here I am in the third age, a grumpy old git! Probably I'll die angry and if there is an after life or some sort of life beyond this one, then I'll be angry there too. I don't mean that scary, punch you in the face sort of anger. The anger I'm talking about is much more subtle than that. The reason for starting this blog was, yes you've got it - fueled by anger. I'm brimming with the stuff and I want to get rid of it. It's not all mine mind you. Some of it is other peoples. For some reason these persons saw fit to dump their anger on me, and then sit back and wonder why I was angry. Some people do that you know. They do it to get rid of their own frustrations and anger, it's a deliberate act. There you are walking along, minding your own business and someone, usually a nearest and dearest, comes up to you and gives you load of their anger, and then they walk off feeling much better thank you, while you feel like shit! Its an abuse. It makes me angry. There's another type of anger that's real sneaky. This anger lurks in the atmosphere, it lurks in the trees, it lurks on street corners and it gets up our noses as we go about our daily lives. The whole nation's got it you know. Probably the whole world too. We can sense this anger but we are not sure what it is, not until its to late anyway. I call it 'anger pollution' and I'm sure it's adding to global warming. Once breathed in it creeps through your body filling every nook and cranny it can find, then it waits there, hidden from view. It won't do anything until a suitable trigger is found. Then you had better watch out. This trigger is usually is something outside of yourself, like say MP's expenses or the Gurkha issue or Blair's Iraq war. I suppose it could be triggered by getting sacked or having a row with the boss, your lover or your wife. Then all hell happens. Anger like you've never known it, rises out of nowhere. It's a whole eclectic mix of anger; there's yours, there's hers, there's someone elses and then this sneaky stuff sticks it's oar in. Your anger at this point rises above all recognition. It becomes out of proportion with the actual event you are caught up in. You are choking on it. Where the **** does this come from you ask but it's too late mate. It's screwed you right up. It's twisting your body and chewing your mind. We should know better of course. We do hear about this sneaky anger but for some reason we see it as not ours. That's because it is usually presented to us as being 'out there' but its not really, not just out there, its inside us as well but we don't know it, remember. You hear about this anger on the telly and radio and you can read about it in the newspapers. If you hear or read words like; 'the government is out of touch with the mood of people' or 'the protesters showed their (collective) anger today', then that's what they are talking about - the sneaky stuff. This stuff is universal and it affects us all. Anyway, I've got wind of it now and I'm taking charge. I'm not having this sneaky anger reside in me. I'm not even going to allow my personal anger collection to dictate the rules to me. That's what this blog is for; to dump my anger, to unclutter my thoughts and to try and make sense of my future... what's left of it that is. See ya soon.   

My body speaks my mind...

I'm a runner.  Well, perhaps to some I maybe more of a jogger, if the difference is just simply down to speed. But I say I'm a runner regardless. I'm not running at the moment, as I am recovering from an operation on my left foot. This is the second operation to correct a particular problem I have with hammer toes. Last September, while out running, this problem escalated, causing the knuckle of the joint between one of my toe bones and metatarsal head to fracture and then shear off. Owchy, Ow. I've noticed recently that I seem to injure myself quite a lot, mainly small things like trapping my left finger in the car door, cutting my head open while ducking through something, banging my head on hanging baskets (wrote a poem about that once, as I was out running at the time), twisting my ankle repeatedly, the last time because I trod on the smallest of branches (the only one) laying on my path and I also put both feet through a plastic binding strap. Flew quite a long way with that one! Yes, I was out running. I also have problems with my right hip, left shoulder and I have tinnitus, mainly on the left side of my head. Because I'm not running and stuck at home, I'm catching up on reading some of the many books I've been meaning to read for some time. One book I'm reading is Your Body Speaks Your Mind by Debbie Shapiro (Piatkus 1996). This book is about understanding how your thoughts and emotions affect your health. The book suggests that our emotional and psychological state affects our physical well-being. Take my foot for instance. According to Debbie Shapiro 'Our feet also indicate how we feel about where we are going. If, for instance, there is fear of what lies ahead - perhaps due to old age, illness, or insecurity - then toes may curl or the feet become sore so that we cannot walk easily. This stops us from moving forward, as if we are trying to stop the future from happening. Or it may feel as if there is nowhere to go, so why bother'. Wow! I've got curling toes and my feet get sore from time to time and I'm getting old! Guess I'd better look into this further. This also happens to fit quite well with my earlier blog on why I blog, where I suggest that my reason for blogging is not because I'm a sado but because I am under pressure to make some adjustments in my life. What next?  Well, I'm going to list all of my injuries and physical complaints and cross-reference them against the relevant sections in Debbie's book to see what comes up. Could be madness, could be depression or could be understanding, enlightenment and action. Just have to wait and see.       

MP's expenses... a privilege to far?

I was a local government officer (a public servant) for quite some number of years, both in London and the home counties. In order to claim expenses, I had to provide receipts for every penny I spent in connection with my work. I had to submit these expenses to my line manager for approval by the beginning of each month or risk a long wait for reimbursement. Each claim and each receipt was checked again before payment was agreed. Any problems and the claim was returned unpaid. Why is it that MP's, who are also public servants, are not required to submit receipts for every penny they make a claim for? It is public money they are taking. Why is it that MP's, who are public servants, are so privileged that they can abuse the public purse in any way they like? If not abuse, then stretch the rules into the realms of fantasy, or do I mean porn and dodgy second homes. Whatever, it is still public money they are taking. MP's are supposed to have standing in society and are meant to be looked up to by lesser mortals. What with one MP falling after another, this of course has been proved to be an illusion, to be a confidence trick. Privilege of course, comes with standing. You can see it at every level of society. It goes with the job. It is a reward for upholding certain standards that the Establishment approves of. You can see it everywhere; the policeman, the social worker, the magistrate, the judge, the county councillor, the local councillor, the teacher, your GP, your MP. What's gone wrong then?  Nothing, it has always been that way. It's just easier to uncover bad practice and deceit these days thanks to the erosion of deference (doffing your hat to one's superior) and investigative journalism. Perhaps I will get one of those blue front door stickers that says; No Hawkers, No Cold Calls and add to it... NO MP's. 

! Note. I am aware that I am generalising here and recognise that not everyone should be tarred with the same brush.

On Blogging...

There is currently an argument raging about why people blog and twitter.  According to Monday's Daily Mail and today's BBC Breakfast News, some psychologists believe that bloggers and twitters are demonstrating 'the pinnacle of banality and narcissism' and are suffering from 'a lack of identity' (Oliver James, Daily Mail 4 May 09). Alian de  Botton, philosopher and author of Status Anxiety and The Pleasures And Sorrows Of Work was quoted by the Daily Mail as saying that 'it represented a way of making sure you are permanently connected to someone and that someone is permanently connected to you, proving you are alive'. Other psychologists argue that 'unless people have recognised and validated you, then you cease to exist'. Hmm, well.  I don't accept the first argument at all, as I'm neither banal nor narcissistic (been accused of it though) and I do have an Identity.  The latter arguments about why blogging etc. are though much closer to where I'm coming from, as demonstrated in my current blog description. However, even that is beginning to change as I find that I am slowly getting in touch, at a subconcious level, with what may become the primary purpose of my blog.  These subconcious drivers, as I call them, are still hidden in the mists of my mind but I am already fairly certain that they are bound up with a need to make some adjustments in my life and are nothing to do with being a sado. Hmm, interesting. 

On sexuality...

While making the morning tea today, I was listening to a local BBC radio station debating the issue of whether or not one's sexuality is fixed for life or is in fact changeable?  This discussion arose apparently from a recent Brighton conference where professionals discussed the possibility of someone who is 'gay' but unhappy with their situation, being enabled to move toward heterosexuality, if that was what they so wished to do.  From what I heard, it would seem that there are two camps (no pun intended) of belief; those who say that sexuality is fixed by genetics/DNA etc. and those who say that environment and social factors can determine or at least influence one's sexuality.  The latter therefore argues that if this is indeed the case, then sexuality is not fixed for life, as a new environment or experience may well cause a change to take place. The radio presenter appeared to present this as a new argument but I remember from my college days back in the 1970's discussing this very issue in what was known then as Liberal Studies.  This change of sexuality happens to be nicely illustrated in today's Observer Magazine where Mariella Frostrup writes about discovering that a lesbian acquaintance of hers was pregnant and living happily in a heterosexual relationship with the child's father.  On questioning her friend about this change, the friend replied by saying that she got a bit drunk one night in celebration of a career high, ended up in bed with the male friend she'd spent the evening with, and subsequently embraced her new-found heterosexuality. A year later the couple are still together.