Death, resurrection and existential depression...

I am 64 years of age and just recently, I became my sisters brother. I guess I've always been her brother but for most of her life she believed me dead and buried. When I was in my thirties, I met two women who also thought me dead; it would follow then that anyone who knew of me at the time of my birth would have also been told of my death. I think that someone must have told me too, as I can, in hindsight, say that for many years I also believed I was dead. By dead I mean dead inside. Sure I smiled and cried and to all intents and purposes, I appeared to be alive to all those around me but my soul was actually hiding at the bottom of a deep dark lake. They just didn't know it and I didn't either. I know now that I was in survival mode and rather like an iceberg, nine tenths of me was underwater and out of sight. Nice 'n' safe there. This death state stayed with me for years; through childhood, through teenage years and even through my early twenties and probably beyond. Don't get me wrong, I worked, fell in and out of love, married, changed careers, had kids, moved home and generally took an active role in living in this world of ours but I was still dead inside. I'm not dead anymore by the way. Today, I am a resurrected being. Firstly, following a messy divorce the deep dark lake was drained and in the mud I got in touch with that hidden part of me. From there on in life took on a more positive hue and today my sister no longer believes me dead. In fact most of the people who thought me dead originally must now be dead themselves and that means that I am free to get on with the business of being alive. In other words I have risen from the grave that was dug by the power of belief.

What's all this got to do with existential depression? Well, it's well documented today that adopted children can suffer from this form of depression; a depression brought about by a traumatic event such as abandonment, which leaves the child questioning their purpose and meaning in life - something I have always struggled with. Gifted adults and gifted children as young as five can also suffer spontaneously from existential depression, as they often question the meaning of life too but don't worry, I ain't one of them.

Definition: Existential depression occurs when one confronts issues of existence such as life, death, disease, and freedom. An individual suffering from existential depression questions the meaning of life and often feels it is meaningless. While some people may experience this kind of depression after some traumatic event, such as the death of a loved one, gifted people may suffer from it spontaneously; that is, there is no apparent triggering event. Gifted children can experience existential depression, even children as young as five. They may begin to worry about death and also question the meaning of life.

That's it then. See ya soon.