Value and worth, do I have any?

I'm not sure where I am going with this. I may start at one place and end up at another... let's see what happens.

Friendships change, I know that. Especially so, with friendships that span age and life stage differences. A while back, one (or even two) such perceived change(s) impacted on me so much that, after a time of wondering, I had to take action by making my thoughts and fears known - mentally and emotionally, I just could not dwell on it any more. I needed to bring things out in the open; to know where I stood and in so doing cease the endless turmoil of my mind. I also stood to gain the freedom to move on. All this wringing of hands and wringing of mind has prompted me to try and identify the life script that drives my thinking over these matters. What follows is an attempt to do just that. It may be incomplete and it may be imperfect but it is a start never the less.

As an adopted person, one of my most important needs is to have a value and worth. I don't mean self-value or self-worth, I mean a value and worth to others, to those outside of myself such as family and friends. After all, it is the actions or the non-actions of these very people that informs me of what my value or worth might be to them at any given time. This acknowledgement of my value and worth might say happen around Christmas time or it might be on my birthday or theirs for that matter but it could also happen at any other time of the year too. The same is true in other areas of my life such as work and my wider interactions with society but it is the closer stuff that really counts. Given that I've been around for some time now, I have to acknowledge that during ones lifetime, relationships can and do change and that nothing is permanently fixed. Saying that, I also have to acknowledge that some people, for whatever reason, appear to have enduring and meaningful relationships from cradle to grave but that is not my experience. My guess is that a therapist would say that I have a wounded soul and because of this, I sometimes seek reassurance and approval from others, as this is my way of measuring worth. I would say that the therapist is not far off the mark and I would like to add that I also have a thing about fairness and equality too. I naturally try to treat people fairly and in human terms, I see others as equal to me*. So, perhaps somewhat naively, I have a desire to be treated in the same way. Ooh, that reads like a complaint! It is not a complaint however, it is just me stating a need.

Abraham Maslow in 1943 produced a paper on his Theory of Human Motivation and the concept of a Hierarchy of Needs. A paper that I find quite fascinating. A paper that offers me understanding of my particular human condition and hence, provides me with clues to my own salvation. According to Maslow's theory, there are five levels of need and currently I appear to be stuck somewhere between the third and fourth levels; social needs and esteem needs. I do have to say here, that I have reached the fifth level before now and indeed dwelt there for a while but over time, I seem to have sunk back down again - nothing new there then! If you are reading this, then rather than repeat Maslow's words on the third and fourth levels here, why don't you click on the link above and see for yourself what I am wittering on about - you never know, this stuff might make you think too!

Happy Days.

*One thing I like about running, is that it brings together people from many walks of life where all have the opportunity to share a common experience that is free of social status or class.

Or is it?