Running to Ecstasy...

I don't know about you but my running, when I'm running that is, goes far beyond that of running for fitness, for an increase in pace and speed or to get that endorphin fueled high; that feeling of well-being that comes after a good run or training session. My running, as described in my earlier blogs, is about moving through nature, about using the five senses; to touch, taste, smell, hear and see all that might be along my path. There is a sixth sense in operation sometimes too; a sense of joining, a sense of being part of nature's wider community, an expansion of consciousness, if you will, that allows the mind to become still and enjoy new horizons. There is a beautiful description in the Katha-Upanishad that I like to apply to my running, especially as it helps me to remember that 'I am not my body'. To quote: 'Self rides in the chariot of the body, intellect the firm footed charioteer, discursive mind the reigns. Senses are the horses, objects of desire the roads'. Yogi's say that: 'When the five organs of perception (the senses) become still, together with the mind, and the intellect ceases to be active: that is called the highest state. This firm holding back of the senses is what is known as Yoga'. Yoga running then, is perhaps what I do when I am not caught up in the world. Although I like miles, miles are not really what matters on my journey; it's what unfolds along the way that counts. To use a quote taken from Ursula Le Guin's feminist science fiction book, The Left Hand of Darkness, 'It is good to have an end to journey towards but it is the journey that matters in the end'. Don't get me wrong, I don't have a downer on training runs, in fact I am quite good at training; all those recovery runs, the thresholds, the Kenyan hills, the Sunday long runs and the cold baths afterwards, I do them all. Talking about miles reminds me of my little penchant for ultra running. Ultra running brings its own peculiarities to the body/mind arena; hallucinations for one and moments of bliss for another. Personally speaking, I find it far less painful to run 54 or 62 miles* than to run a flat out from the gun 5K. Some ultra runners cover the miles for the express purpose of seeking out spiritual ecstasy; to lose sight of their everyday world and to bathe in inner harmony and to be one with their God. Sri Chinmoy for one set up the Self-Transcendence series of races to promote spiritual growth through sport and uses distances from 2 miles to 3100 miles to do this. Other ultra runners have set up communities expressly for the purpose of running extreme miles in their quest for spiritual ecstasy and fulfilment. Divine Madness are one such community and, seen as a cult to some, their methods are much talked about. When these guy's arrange to meet up for a run, they think nothing of running 30 miles or so to the arranged meeting place and then they run some more before going home again. 'Divine Madness', what a running club name that would make. I think I'll set up a UK branch just to get the T-shirt but I won't be doing those extreme miles, I can tell you!

* Reference to the Thames Meander and the Mongolia Sunrise to Sunset 100K

When I pull a face...

I'm in that 'when I pull a face' place again, this time because of the escalating use of violence and terror being used against many Iranians' by their so-called religious Supreme Leader and his hard-line clerics; in fact, when I see or hear the words 'ayatollah', 'cleric' or 'mullah' these days, my flesh creeps. In my view, these people, by their words and by their actions, occupy the lowest order of humanity and their extremist violence clearly demonstrates why secular governments are the preferred option to those organised on religious grounds. Our own history is full of examples of the brutality that is the dark-side companion of theocracy; to quote from GlobeNewswire's report on Frazier Park's new book, Theocracy Throughout The Ages: Victory or Catastrophe?, 'This book clearly enumerates Christianity's long history of crimes against humanity, extending back nearly two thousand years. As observed, religious interference in secular matters resulted in a cruel, authoritative control over population with little regard for rights of the individual; testifying to the evils of theocracy. Publication of the "torture memos" documents what can happen when religious radicals gain control of government'. What we are witnessing today then, is the continuing evils of theocracy as demonstrated through a man, merely a man, who claims devine power over all the millions of people that make up Iran.

I'm also pulling a face over the burqa issue. In my daily interactions with other people, the visual clues and signals I receive and send out play an important role in the communication process between myself and the other person(s). If the other person is obscured from me, then I am at a loss as to what their intentions maybe; just seeing their eyes is not enough to determine what is going on. I also happen to believe that the burqa is a weak man's tool for oppression and that it has nothing to do with religious belief. The Muslim Council of Britain believes otherwise and as stated in the comments section of the The Sunday Times it says that, 'It is patronising and offensive to suggest that those Muslim women who wear the burqa do so because of pressure or oppression by their male partners or guardians'. The opposite view is given in the same article by Taj Hargey, chairman of the Muslim Educational Centre of Oxford who says, 'that in his opinion the mullahs fail to tell their flocks that nowhere in Islam's transcendent text is there any mention of the word burqa or niqab'. Usma Hasan, a reformist iman in London points out that the Koran advocates that 'Muslims should respect local customs'. So, a local custom here then, is that a burqa or niqab is not worn and that is how it should be.

On this and that...

Yesterday the papers (Daily Mail/Daily Telegraph) reported on the fact that UK pensions are the lowest in the whole of Europe and are set to get worse. Last night on BBC Radio 2, there was a report about the fact that the UK has an estimated 1 million cocaine users; the highest in the whole of Europe and rising. We also have the highest rates of teenage pregnancies in the whole of Europe and believe it or not there are whole area's of the UK that attract EU funding because of extreme poverty. We also have the highest knife crime rates in the whole of Europe and we have a growing problem with street violence. Because of these knife crimes, the street violence and the fact that our government is ineffectual when it comes to protecting us from the terrorists and extremists, who live in our community and who seek to harm us every day, this country of ours(?) has been labelled as dangerous to live in or to visit. The rise in teenage pregnancies was a growing problem before New Labour got into power but under their governance the numbers have just got bigger and bigger. Cocaine was a problem before New Labour got into power but under their governance, cocaine abuse has got bigger and bigger. Both knife crime and street violence have grown under their governance and under their governance corrupt MP's and a rotten parliament have been allowed to flourish. Pensions were flourishing before New Labour got into power. Gordon Brown, as Chancellor, wrecked the pensions market and Alistair Darling, the current Chancellor is wrecking it even further (a nation on nation conspiracy perhaps?). Having said that, I do have to acknowledge that the pensions of MP's, MEP's and EU commissioners are not affected by these negative actions, as they all have access to healthy multiple pension funds (ref: Kinnocks), that are paid for by the tax payer, by you and me; by those who's own pension plans have been reduced to rubble. This government of ours, constantly bleats on about how 'we', the public must actively plan for retirement but I say to them, how can we, when you actively disempower us from doing so? In my view, all of the above evidence's the unhealthy state of our nation; we have governmental and corporate greed, we have low grade politicians, we (still) have Tony Blair, we have political interference in our private lives, we have a major economic downturn, struggling infrastructures, lopsided health provision, an angry and unhappy electorate and we have the rise of the BNP. And still the message is not getting through to Gordon and his cronies; the message that they should call an election, go away, leave office and disappear back to whence they came and take Mr (whispering) T Blair with them. Who and what would replace them though? I shiver at the thought.

Note: Again my rantings are inspired by what I've read, seen and heard. Nothing written in this blog is then, 'my responsibility'.

Byeee.

A rest day...

Taking a rest today, so thought I'd post somebody else's thoughts on life. What follows is taken from the all spirit inspiration group that I subscribe to and is about 'the essence of Life'.

On the Essence of Life

From: 'When Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice for Difficult Times'
by Pema Chodron

"We think that if we just meditated enough or jogged enough or ate perfect food, everything would be perfect. But from the point of view of someone who is awake, that's death. Seeking security or perfection, rejoicing in feeling confirmed and whole, self-contained and comfortable, is some kind of death. It doesn't have any fresh air. There's no room for something to come in and interrupt all that. We are killing the moment by controlling our experience. Doing this is setting ourselves up for failure, because sooner or later, we're going to have an experience we can't control: our house is going to burn down, someone we love is going to die, we're going to find out we have cancer, a brick is going to fall out of the sky and hit us on the head, somebody is going to spill tomato juice all over our white suit, or we're going to arrive at our favourite restaurant and discover that no one ordered produce and seven hundred people are coming for lunch."The essence of life is that it's challenging. Sometimes it is sweet, and sometimes it is bitter. Sometimes your body tenses, and sometimes it relaxes or opens. Sometimes you have a headache, and sometimes you feel 100 percent healthy. From an awakened perspective, trying to tie up all the loose ends and finally get it together is death, because it involves rejecting a lot of your basic experience. There is something aggressive about that approach to life, trying to flatten out all the rough spots and imperfections into a nice smooth ride. "To be fully alive, fully human, and completely awake is to be continually thrown out of the nest. To live fully is to be always in no-man's-land, to experience each moment as completely new and fresh. To live is to be willing to die over and over again. From the awakened point of view, that's life."

Quantum healing for body/mind...

Well, I'm reading, or more like pond dipping, another three body/mind books that I have found on my rather dusty book shelves. They are, Quantum Healing by Deepak Chopra MD (Bantam New Age Books 1990), Journey to Freedom by leslie Kenton (Thorsons, 1999) and The Way of the Shaman by Michael Harner (HarperSanFrancisco, 1990).

Quantum Healing is about exploring the body/mind connection with a view to gaining an understanding of the principles that underlie physical reality and that create our everyday environment; in particular the environment of our own bodies. Deepack Chopra goes on to explain further: 'Quantum healing is healing the bodymind from a quantum level. That means from a level which is not manifest at a sensory level. Our bodies ultimately are fields of information, intelligence and energy. Quantum healing involves a shift in the fields of energy information, so as to bring about a correction in an idea that has gone wrong. So quantum healing involves healing one mode of consciousness, mind, to bring about changes in another mode of consciousness, body'.

Journey to Freedom is a practical workbook offering 13 quantum leaps for the soul by exploring and using the power of shamanism. leslie Kenton says: 'This book is about freedom - not as an idea but as a living experience. It centres around a thirteen-week integrated programme of practical tools and techniques designed to enrich the experience of freedom in your own life and then keep on expanding it. The process has been developed out of a marriage of the most ancient techniques known to man for expanding consciousness - shamanism - together with leading-edge physics, biology, systems theory and the rapidly developing science of consciousness itself'.

The Way of the Shaman is again a practical workbook offering ways of achieving and maintaining well-being through the application of shamanistic methodology. Michael Harner goes on to say: 'In shamanism, the maintenance of one's personal power is fundamental to well-being. The book will introduce you to some of the basic shamanic methods of restoring and maintaining personal power, and using it to help others who are weak or ill, or injured. The techniques are simple and powerful. Their use does not require 'faith' nor changes in the assumptions you have about reality in your ordinary state of consciousness. Indeed, the system usually does not even require change in your unconscious mind either, for it only awakens what is already there'.

I like that last statement in particular; 'for it only awakens what is already there'. I think that's what I am experiencing right now in this body/mind journey of mine; this awakening, this recognition of 'what is already there'. I have been aware for some time that something has been prodding me, poking me, telling me to take notice and it seems that it took a shattered joint in my foot* to do that. This awakening also fits with my earlier body/mind discoveries, as taken from Helen Shapiro's book, Your Body Speaks Your Mind - lets hope I don't go to sleep again. There is also further evidence of this awakening, as demonstrated in my blogs, some of which have a strong shamanic theme running through them - i.e. An audience of trees, Do you ever, A flute in my garden etc. These blogs then, are where I write down the messages of my soul, messages that have risen up from the deep and are now down on paper (metaphorically speaking) for all to see, for all to read and for me perhaps, to act upon. I guess I have to act, as it appears that my inner-being (my true self?) got so frustrated with my long standing cognitive shortfall, that it arranged for me to have a little running accident - i.e. it broke my foot!

* To quote from Helen's book: 'Our feet also indicate how we feel about where we are going. If, for instance, there is fear of what lies ahead - perhaps due to old age, illness, or insecurity - then toes may curl or the feet become sore so that we cannot walk easily. This stops us from moving forward, as if we are trying to stop the future from happening. Or it may feel as if there is nowhere to go, so why bother'.

Note: My first 'real' experience of shamanic culture was at the 2006 Mongolia Sunrise to Sunset 100K footrace. The race was (and still is) based in Lake Hovsgol National Park in northern Mongolia and it is where shamanism is still the main belief system. You are so close to nature in this place, you can't help but become part of it.

When I pull a face...

When I pull a face, it usually means that I have had a negative response to something that I have read or heard about and which invokes disapproval in me. This disapproval rises from my own life experiences, in particular my experiences with main stream religion, and in one case, not so main stream religion. I love the peace and quite of a church or cathedral; I like the sacred space. I like church music such as that written by John Tavener, Thomas Tallis and Claudio Monteverdi; I even like some of the older style church hymns. I like church architecture; from beautiful stained glass windows to the dazzling geometric shapes used in the mosques of Islam. What I do not like, is the human part of it; the preaching, the proselyting, the 'subjective truth' of those who think they offer 'the one and only way' and are thereby judgemental and dismissive of those who think differently. I acknowledge that not all behave this way but certainly there are a lot who do and I don't want them knocking on my front door, thank you very much. Only recently I was reminded of my distaste for this sort of thing when watching news reports on the current Iranian election problems and where the Iranian Supreme Leader, Ayatollah Ali khamenie, said in support of President Ahmadinejad, that he would not be responsible for any deaths and injuries sustained by protesters from his police and militia because they (the protesters), in ignoring his 'divine' directions, have brought this state upon themselves. Throughout history theocratic governments have come and gone and most, if not all, seem to leave a bad taste in the mouth; not necessarily because of the religious belief itself but because of the human(s) who use it for his/their own ends; to gain power and to have unrighteous control over the masses*. Over you and me! So, to my way of thinking then, the Iranian situation is an example of how the few, through the use of religion, control the many even though the many want change and want a say in how they are governed. It all makes me pull a face.

* An exception to the rule would possibly be Tibetan Buddhism.

An audience of trees...

When you are out there running a thousand trees can pass you by and you won't one hello or a cheer. This is not because the trees are ignoring you, it's because you can't hear them. How can you if you are caught up in the constant comings and goings and doings of everyday life. If you expanded your world, if you escaped from samsara for a moment or two, you could go talk to the trees and find out just how powerful and important they are. Mind you, you had better do this alone or perhaps with an understanding friend, otherwise the other samsara dwellers will think you mad! There is a woodland that I run through from time to time and deep within it, there is a small glade of mature beech and hazel trees that stand waiting quietly for the world to end*; you would never notice them unless you knew they were there. As I approach the bend on the trail that turns me into their presence, I am already looking forward to seeing them once more and when I do, I acknowledge them all. These trees have been here for a long time and the scars they carry, scars that I can see in myself, bear witness to the storms they have endured over their life time. Standing close to the edge of the path, there is one tree in particular that I am drawn to and when I lean into its massive trunk, I can feel tree energy flowing from root to leaf and in giving myself up to the tree, becoming one with it, the energy flows through me too - at least that's what I like to think! You may think this questionable behaviour but I am told that, 'To see beauty and solidity in a tree is to see these qualities in yourself' and that to me says, 'I'm okay'! Just to give you an indication of how important trees are, the Essene Teachings of the Dead Sea Scrolls include a poem that tells us all to recognise and acknowledge the mightiness of trees. This is the first verse from that poem:

TREES

As translated from the Hebrew and Aramaic text

by the late Edmund Bordeaux Szekely

Go towards the high growing Trees,

And before one of them

Which is beautiful, high and growing mighty,

Say thou these words:

Hail be unto thee!

O good living Tree,

Made by the Creator.

Trees occupy a special place in folklore; if you have ever said 'touch wood', then you have invoked the Tree Spirits of the Druids and Celts, who also happened to believe that a person's nature was governed by the nature of the tree which corresponded to their date of birth. My tree for instance is the Hazel (05/08 - 01/09) and the nature of the tree and hence my own nature is described thus: 'Hazelnut Tree (Extraordinary) - charming, undemanding, very understanding, knows how to make an impression, active fighter for social cause, popular, moody and capricious lover, honest and tolerant partner, precise sense of judgment'. These are not my words, they are the words according to the h2g2 project; the guide to Life, the Universe and Everything. A word of warning. In trawling the Internet for information about trees and dates of birth, I found quite a lot of conflicting views about which tree corresponds to your date of birth. On some, my tree was listed as the Pine, in other's the Hazel. Some of the attributes given to both of these trees I recognised in myself; others I did not recognise at all. So be careful if you decide to take a look for yourself. Trees are also associated with healing and they can and do influence our own and our communities well-being. To quote from The Healing Power of Trees by Sarah Anne Edwards, 'People are more satisfied with their neighbourhoods if there are more trees on or near their property. They describe their quality of life as safer, more pleasant and more satisfying than people living in homes without trees nearby'. The psychoanalytic physchologist, Michael Perlman takes things further in his book The Power of trees: The reforesting of the Soul, suggesting, in response to a newspaper article about Hurricane Andrew, that trees can matter more to us and mean more to us than we realise' and he goes on to say that, 'Trees are important in many ways. Their ecological and aesthetic importance is often recognised but this book explores something less tangible - their psychological power'. So, the next time you are out there running the tracks and trails just be aware that you have an audience, an audience of trees... and say hello.

*Given that this woodland is a 'managed' woodland, I guess that a chain saw could bring a violent end to their existence at any time but lets hope the land owner is an enlightened being and knows a bit about the life of trees.

Do you ever...

When you are out there running the footpaths and trails, do you ever think about the environment you are passing through? Are you conscious and aware of your surroundings; the ground under your feet, that root sticking out of the ground, the scurrying beetle about to be crushed under your foot, the colour of the sky, the shape of those clouds, the lone Deer in the undergrowth, the audience of trees* along your path, that bird sitting on a low branch, the rustling of wind blown leaves, the crack of a twig underfoot, the 'plop' of a fish jumping to catch a fly; leaving behind it an exquisite mandala of ripples slowly expanding into nothingness? When I say 'conscious', I don't just mean the knowing of where you are and the knowing of where you are going; i.e. you are awake and physically moving through the world, the conscious I'm talking about is known as expanded or higher consciousness, that state of awareness where you are not just moving through nature, you are part of nature itself. Here is where you have rejoined the world and here is where you can achieve a sense of Being and wholeness. At a molecular level, you are the world and the world is you; your senses, your body vibrations and those of your surroundings are all mingling and interacting, one with another. The trick though, is not to get caught up in the events unfolding before and around you. In this place, you must be the Observer, the one who is fully aware of their surroundings and the movement within but who is also separate from them and not lost in the myriad comings and goings and the doings of life. If you have ever practiced or still do practice meditation, then you know what I am talking about. By meditation I mean the use of breathing techniques or mantras to reach deep relaxation and an open awareness, as opposed to the contemplation of scriptures etc. Meditation is most commonly done in a sitting position but it can be done standing up. Through the practice of walking meditation, such as that taught by Thich Nhat Hanh, you will come to, 'notice the beauty of your surroundings, both externally and internally. Smile with every cell in your body'. You can also notice this same beauty when out running. You just have to be awake, really awake.

* When starting to write this particular blog, the loose plan in my head was to end up writing something about the power and importance of trees but I got a bit lost along the way and ended up somewhere else - Oops! Next blog then will be about that 'audience of trees'.

I came across...

This is to do with poetry, particularly poetry that is about running; about running itself or about Inspiration gained from the act of running. To quote from an article in the Running Times Magazine; 'Running is like music, capable of infinite varieties of mood. We can run in zestful joy, or in somber meditation. Running can be about freedom of movement in contact with Nature; or it can be about the discipline and willpower of competitive effort on a road or track. It can give the rich companionship of running with friends, or the equally rich solitude of running alone. It is a significant part of the lives of millions of people worldwide. Surely it deserves a literature to express and celebrate these different moods and meanings. Poets have written about running ever since Homer and Pindar in Ancient Greece nearly 3,000 years ago, and have sought to make running as memorable and vivid in words as it is in action. Two fine poems from the early 20th century typify the range. One is about the liberty and self-expression that running can bring in a tragic time, the other about the intense fusion of body and spirit in the sprint to the finish of a race'. The first poem was written by a 19-year-old English army officer, Charles Hamilton Sorley, during World War I and the story behind it and the second poem by John Masefield can be read at Running Times Magazine.

The Song of the Ungirt Runners Charles Hamilton Sorley We swing ungirded hips, And lightene'd are our eyes, The rain is on our lips, We do not run for prize. We know not whom we trust Nor whither ward we fare, But we run because we must Through the great wide air. The waters of the seas Are troubled as by storm. The tempest strips the trees And does not leave them warm. Does the tearing tempest pause? Do the tree-tops ask it why? So we run without a cause 'Neath the big bare sky. The rain is on our lips, We do not run for prize. But the storm the water whips And the wave howls to the skies. The winds arise and strike it And scatter it like sand, And we run because we like it Through the broad bright land. *************************************** The Racer John Masefield I saw the racer coming to the jump, Staring with fiery eyeballs as he rusht. I heard the blood within his body thump, I saw him launch, I heard the toppings crusht. As he landed I beheld his soul Kindle, because, in front he saw the Straight With all its thousands roaring at the goal, He laughed, he took the moment for his mate. Would that the passionate moods on which we ride Might kindle thus to oneness with the will; Would we might see the end to which we stride, And feel, not strain, in struggle, only thrill. And laugh like him and know in all our nerves Beauty, the spirit, scattering dust and turves.

A flute in my garden...

David* the flute maker came to my home this morning. We spent nearly 2 hours together, listening to and talking about flutes - Native American style flutes. He played and did most of the talking, I mostly listened. He is going to make me one of my own; one that is made specifically for me and my little short fingered hands. David liked the peacefulness of my sunny garden and played his flutes there; for himself and for the birds. Even the dog awoke from her slumbers to listen to him playing. In my garden the water trickled, the fish swam and the insects and bees hummed about their business. All was peaceful and all was well with the world. Apart from being able to play one tune on a mouth organ, I can't play or read a note of music but that doesn't matter, that's not what this is about. This is about expression, about being able to say how I feel through the medium of a Native American style flute. This is about being in touch with nature, about being enabled to share my inner most thoughts and feelings with the world and about healing wounds, my wounds. The sound that a Native American flute makes is a natural one, one that can resonate with the natural vibrations of the human body, thus their sound can touch your Soul. Guess I'd better get learning.

* David is second voice flutes, just click on the name to visit his website.

Deaf/blind and spit in your face...

Is it a false memory that I have? Did I not hear Ministers' say only recently that, 'we must listen to the electorate'; to the voters, to you and me? Was this phrase not used in the midst of the MP's expenses scandal and just after New Labour lost so badly in the recent local elections? This government of ours has repeated this phrase so many times now that it has become etched into my memory banks; similar to hearing your name mentioned across a crowded and noisy room, I can now tune into this phrase, this New Labour Watchword and in a fraction of a nano second I am scowling with contempt. I can even recall Blair, when he was still in No.10, using the same phrase, again just after taking a beating in local elections. I have not counted the number of times this phrase has been used but it must be in the dozens by now. Personally, I think they should dump it, especially as they don't listen; in fact they have no intention of listening to you and to me, they are too arrogant for that. The evidence that they don't practice active listening is clearly demonstrated; Brown's refusal to allow a once promised referendum on Europe, Mandelson saying, only within the last few days, that the UK is looking forward to adopting the Euro as its currency, last night Brown confirming that the Iraq war enquiry will be held in secret; this despite a public outcry for an open enquiry and this after MP's tried to use secrecy to hide their blatant misuse of the parliamentary expenses system. All this just after using that popular phrase of theirs again, not just once but several times! They smile, utter meaningless words and then just spit in your face. For one, I don't want the Euro, I don't want to be European and I don't want to be governed by a super-state who know nothing about 'my' culture. I want to remain and be English and I'm sure I'm not alone in my thinking.

Relativity and running...

I don't know about you but as I get older time seems to go ever faster. This phenomena becomes most noticeable when I'm out running (forget that I'm not running at the moment). I find that as time speeds up, my running speed slows down and I'm sure that one day soon I will be out there running in a forward motion but actually traveling backwards in time. A proposed theory* of this phenomena is thus: The speed of a runner remains constant through life, like the speed of light. As a large mass warps the space around it, giving rise to the effect we call gravitational attraction, so the age of a runner affects the time through which he or she moves. Ask any older person whether time passes faster than it did in youth; what has always been considered a quaint psychological effect is actually a result of age-graded time warp. When I am in a race, I am unquestionably running as fast as ever and also as fast as the runners ahead of me, even though they, being younger than I am, appear to bystanders to be moving faster and will seem to reach the 'finish line' before I do. The raw data for this process has already been tabulated in the WAVA Age-Graded Tables: all that is lacking is for physicists to formulate a theory acceptable to the scientific community. What do you think?

* First proposed and discussed with members of the Dead Runners Society.

54 days in the desert...

IT'S been 54 days since I had my foot operation. I've still got 16 days to go before the steel pin gets pulled out. In all, that will be a total of 70 non-running days I will have endured; that's 30 days more than the 40 days that Jesus had to endure in the desert. Okay, my desert experience comes nowhere near his but that does not take away the fact that I have been and still am, in the desert; the desert of a runner who can't run. His desert experience was all about being tried and tested and so is mine. Perhaps I shouldn't compare his trials to my own piffling little thing but I have been tried and tested never the less and, according to my temporarily sidelined running coach, I am still quite 'chipper' about life. Being a 'soft southerner', this is indeed an accolade to receive from a northern* born running man. Being cast into the desert then, has meant that I've had to rely on my own resources to help me survive the temptations that manifest in this place; biscuits, cakes, chocolate, multiple cups of tea and coffee, not forgetting breakfast, lunch and dinner of course - all consumed in a horizontal position. Biblically speaking, this is like facing off the 7 deadly sins, some of which were more threatening to me than others. Pride for instance didn't really figure. Greed (all those biscuits etc.) needed to be minimised. Envy (of others still able to run) could have been a problem. Anger (at my condition), I had to avoid that. Lust (after more food etc.) needed to be controlled. Gluttony (give me more, lots more) had to be restrained and last but not least, Sloth I had to be very careful of indeed. In fact Sloth was the one to watch out for, as this is where apathy, weight gain and depression could have become my companions. So what saved the day and my sanity? Well I found an oasis in my desert and I have been dwelling there ever since. It is the oasis of my blogspot; the place where I sit and explore the rubbish dump of my mind. Trouble is, I'm going to have to leave this place soon, in 16 days time in fact and I have a feeling that I'm not going to like that at all. Still, as Arnie Shwarzenegger said, 'I'll be back' and hopefully, I'll be running!

* Mythical belief that 'northerners' are hardier and more resilient that 'soft southerners'.

Colour your mind...

'Life takes its hues from the colours of your mind'.

I like this quote. It carries a great truth. It is a description of how we perceive and interpret our world; it tells us how our every day thoughts and feelings, our actions and interactions are all influenced by our state of mind. The mind is the repository of our unique experiences; it is where our values and beliefs, our paranoia's and distortions are stored for safe keeping. The window of mind then, is the place from where we look out into the world; it is the interface between ourselves and the great out doors. If our mind state is unhealthy, then the worlds we inhabit, our inner and outer worlds, will be unhealthy too. Like the man* said, 'Life takes it hues from the colours of your mind'.

Carl Gustav Jung developed the use of mandalas (symbolic circular figure representing 1. the Universe, 2. the search for self-unity, OED 1995) as an aid to psychological understanding. He drew a mandala everyday to express his innermost thoughts and feelings. Each time he noticed that the circle he had drawn contained a snapshot of his mental, emotional and spiritual state of being; it was though the images were reflecting his inner self. He then went on to to use mandalas in his work as a psychiatrist to help his patients make deeper connections with themselves. Laura J Watts writes in her book, mandalas - spiritual circles for harmony and fulfilment, 'Looking deeply into the circle of a mandala means that we must look deeply into ourselves. It can sometimes take courage to study the picture in front of us and see the storms and turmoil as well as the peace and beauty that exists at our centre. This intricate way of seeing, of always looking more deeply into things, brings an original and fresh way of experiencing the world around us. Look more closely at a tree and you will see the patterns of moss over its bark. Study the moss and there you will notice water droplets trapped in its rough surface. There is always more to see, and this is the way with mandala's. The more we look the more we can see and comprehend and we can use this understanding to take action and make changes in our lives. When we see what makes us happy we can alter our course in life and follow that happiness'. Like the man* said, 'Life takes its hues from the colours of your mind' and if the window of your mind needs a bit of a spring clean, then you now know how to do it. My running then, as described in my Why do I run? blog, allows me to see the moss on the trees and the water droplets held in stillness within - that's when I am running of course. It's mandala running!

Oh yes, click on Mandala to watch a YouTube video unfold and make sure your speakers are on.

* Man here means person; it fits with the quote. Note: Despite searching the web for the source of this quote, I was unable to find any reference, anywhere. Maybe you could do better and enlighten me.

Byeee.

Just a comment or two...

I see that Richard Thomas, the outgoing Information Commissioner has spoken up about the MP's expenses scandal (Daily Telegraph Thursday, June 11, 2009). Under the headline, 'It's their own fault says data watchdog', the Information Commissioner said that MP's had not taken the Freedom of Information Act seriously enough and may have 'modified' their behaviour if they had. He added that they had not anticipated the consequences of greater transparency and that they (MP's) were running the system expecting permanent secrecy. Even after all the recent furore about their expenses, we still have MP's denying that they have done anything wrong and stating that they were only following guidelines, their own guidelines of course; guidelines that were designed to maximise their income to the cost of the public purse. These very same people are now saying that the system will have to be overhauled and they are the ones who are going to do it. How can this be? If this were you and I, we would have been disciplined and probably sacked by now. We could never expect to take up the same type of employment again; who would trust us? So how can these MP's be trusted; these MP's who like secrecy? They can't be trusted, it's as simple as that.

I caught sight of a photo in one of the daily papers yesterday and it shocked me. It was a photo of a family fleeing from their home: husband and daughters, all fleeing from the awfulness of the wife and mother's arrest for child sex abuse in a Plymouth Nursery. We are all shocked by these revelations, perhaps more so because of where this abuse was allegedly taking place and because it was a woman who was allegedly doing the abusing. What of her family though? Who's taking care of them at this most shocking moment in their lives; this husband and these daughters?

My body-mind stuff... betrayal

Warning! Reading this may affect you, so please be careful and remember that the words that follow are mine alone; they are a rough 2B pencil drawing of some personal thoughts and feelings I have about betrayal and abandonment and as such, they may need refining or simply throwing away.

I popped into an alternative/holistic shop a few days back and picked up an out of date (2008) magazine called More to Life, a magazine who's aim is to 'help people find their spiritual path in life'. While flicking through the pages (I always scan a magazine first, usually from back to front) I came across an article by Perveen A Zaman called Little Soul and Betrayal. Apart from a small introduction, the article is in fact a teaching story for those who have been betrayed or have done the betraying. I won't tell the whole story on this blog, it's to long for that but I will repeat the central message before I go on to write a blog on my thoughts and feelings about betrayal and its partner in crime, abandonment.

'Three types of people will break your heart. The first, will be those who do not feel or see what you see. The second, will be those who catch a glimpse of The Love That All Is in you. They will lie to you and convince you otherwise. The third type, will see you as you are and fear you. They will seek to control, manipulate and destroy you in the name of The Love That All Is. Each time your heart will be broken. The Love That All Is will come in and wash away your tears and expand your heart. The final time, your heart will be broken open so that The Love That All Is can pour through your heart, around you and connect you to everywhere. This is what you came here to do. To pour The Love That Never Ends into and onto this world of fractured reality'. - Perveen A Zaman 2007.

Note: Reproduced as printed in the magazine article.

Betrayal then, is an experience we all share to one degree or another; an experience that may happen only once, or it can be a constant companion throughout all or part of our lives. Betrayal can be experienced before birth and can happen after death. Before birth is the unwanted foetus growing in the womb; itself conceived by an act of betrayal. Before birth is the betrayal of the mother who plans to pass her burden onto others; to abandon her child. That's two betrayals then before you are even born! No wonder children are born angry. After death is the betrayal of the sons, the daughters, the brothers, the sisters and anyone else for that matter, who seeks to ignore the wishes and values of the deceased, all in the name of greed, personal gain or just plain nastiness. Betrayal comes in all sorts of guises and degrees of pain; false declarations, the breaking of promises and vows, the undermining of confidence and the deliberate destruction of another human being. Betrayal can strike you down without giving notice or it can hide away, out of sight; you know the term, 'what the eyes can't see, the heart doesn't grieve over'. Betrayal can be the word of youth; who doesn't feel betrayed when their so-called best friend reveals whispered secrets to others and, who doesn't feel betrayed when your girlfriend or boyfriend dumps you for someone else! Betrayal can be death dealing; it can be a sudden death or it can take years. Betrayal inhabits the mind of the betrayer but manifests in the physical world; its undercurrents though are far more dangerous. If not recognised for what they are and dealt with, these undercurrents will erode your emotional and mental well-being and they will eat your soul. I should know, I've been there! A little about abandonment. People are abandoned at sea, cats and dogs are abandoned on the streets, children are abandoned by their parents, husbands and wives abandon their families for a lover; the list goes on. All of this abandonment arises from betrayal; nothing more, nothing less. The above story then contains a truth (at least for me) about how we can recover from betrayal and abandonment and how we become the better for it. So, what has this got to do with my body-mind stuff and running? Well, if I am to follow through with my earlier blogs on how your body speaks your mind, then I must continue with my self imposed health check in order to remove or at least negate any residual influences that my past life experiences may still have on me, my body and of course my running. It's as simple as that.

End note: My running, when I am able to run of course, enhances that connection with the 'everywhere' of the above story, nowhere more so than when out running the trails and as per my blog on Why Do I run?

Byeee.

A day in the life of a non runner...

Out with the dog first thing this morning. As usual, she did some deep sniffing while I stood and watched the smallest of moths flutter across my vision from ground to tree. This moth fluttered so slowly, so delicately that it seemed to take ages for it to travel to its chosen landing spot; the slightest of breezes would have meant a different flight path and possibly a different destiny for this tiny creature. Only landing for a moment, the moth took off again and fluttered across the open water of the nearby canal. Focusing intently on its beating wings, I watched until they and the little moth disappeared into the backdrop sky and was no more - gone!

Later in the day, summoned by the Harbour Master's written notice that my boat was not displaying its licence plaque and a fine of £50.00 could be levied if I did not correct this aberration within 14 days, I travelled down to the sea and, as it happens, down to the sun. On my boat then, I soon put wrongs to right, made a cup of tea and sat munching ginger biscuits, feeding the crumbs to the two swans and the three cygnets who called by. In this place, peacefulness filled the air and I was contented.

Narcissistic personality disorder...

The Mail on Sunday, page 11 headline: - Blair: The darkness in his heart will bring him down.

Of course, it's Gordon Brown that he is referring to here and where he reportedly says that, 'Gordon Brown's political future is doomed because of 'the darkness in his heart and his lies'. I was so incensed on reading this statement that I wanted to rush off and write yet another blog bemoaning the actions of this man; not in protection of Gordon Brown but in response to the rush my own thoughts and feelings. However, I did not do that and instead asked myself the question, why is it that this man makes me so cross? Why do I dismiss what he has to say with such derision? Why is that when I look at this man, I feel sick? Well, the bottom line is that everything about Mr Blair; that smile, those words, his actions and his use of religion to say, 'look at me, I go to church', thereby implying his purity and goodness, remind me so much of another, another who used to say similar things about me! Yep, my hackles are raised. My own past life experiences are brought to life because of the way this man behaves and I don't like it! Have you ever met someone who you've taken an instant dislike to? If you have, then it's highly probable that it's because they subconsciously remind you of someone else, someone who is connected with a bad experience in your life and someone who you do not wish to be reminded of - it also means that there is more than one of them in this world. The another by the way, is a long time gone from my life now but I still carry the wounds; scar tissue if you like. Anyway, must get on. Having had first-hand experience of the behavioural traits of the another, I can't help but recognise similar traits in Mr Blair and this leads me to surmise that he may be suffering from Narcissistic personality disorder. Click on the link and see 'What is the criterion for NPD' and you will understand where I'm coming from. Three clues in the form of phrases attributed to Mr Blair (one of them is attributed to Mrs Blair but is about her husband), do I believe go some way to support my NPD theory and these are listed below but if you have to time to look, I'm sure you would find many more out there. The phrases then are as follows:

• 'The darkness in his heart and his lies'. - Tony Blair. This from the man who's reason to go to war with Iraq was based on lies.

• 'God will be my judge'. - Tony Blair. A denial of personal responsibility and of blame.

• '...he will be remembered as a statesman equal in rank to that of Winston Churchill'. - Mrs Blair. The seeking of grandioseness.

So it's not that I've got a downer on Mr Blair at all. It's more to do with the past, my past but that doesn't mean I like what he represents; in fact what he represents and how he presents is what I don't like.

That's all folks.

What's new then?

A preamble to a poem...

Today English votes are being counted. Today Gordon is 'reshuffling' his cabinet Ministers; those who are still left of course. Today, politicians from the ranks are being invited in to No 10; to join the inner circle, to fill the plush empty seats so recently vacated by members of the Volupts movement and a Work and Pensions Secretary who is on a self-harm reduction programme. Today, political blood hounds are baying for blood, Gordon's blood. Political hawks are circling the air, waiting for that chance to make the death strike. Carrion Crows sit around waiting for a few tasty morsels to come their way and little nasty creepy things are slithering in the shadows of the Palace of Westminster. What's new then? Well, nothing actually. As far back as 1984 observational comment in the form of poetry was being made about those who inhabit the world of politics. This poem is called The Fat Black Woman Versus Politics by Grace Nichols (The Fat Black Woman's Poems, Virago Press 1984, reprinted 1985, 1987 & 1990). The poem then.

The Fat Black Woman Versus Politics

Grace Nichols

The fat black woman

could see through politicians

like snake sees through rat

she knows the oil

that ease the tongue

she knows the soup-mouth tact

she knows the game

the lame race for fame

she knows the slippery hammer

wearing down upon the brain

In dreams she's seen them

stalking the corridors of power

face behind a ballot-box cover

the fat black woman won't be their lover

But if you were to ask her

What's your greatest political ambition?

she'll be sure to answer

To feed powercrazy politicians a manifesto of lard

To place my X against a bowl of custard

Note! The Volupts Movement: A notorious para-parliamentary organisation of female MP's (Parliamentary Sketch, The Times Friday June 5 2009). Known members are Hazel Blears, Joan Ruddock, Jaqui Smith, Caroline Flint and Harriet Harman (founding member).