Warning! Reading this may affect you, so please be careful and remember that the words that follow are mine alone; they are a rough 2B pencil drawing of some personal thoughts and feelings I have about betrayal and abandonment and as such, they may need refining or simply throwing away.
I popped into an alternative/holistic shop a few days back and picked up an out of date (2008) magazine called More to Life, a magazine who's aim is to 'help people find their spiritual path in life'. While flicking through the pages (I always scan a magazine first, usually from back to front) I came across an article by Perveen A Zaman called Little Soul and Betrayal. Apart from a small introduction, the article is in fact a teaching story for those who have been betrayed or have done the betraying. I won't tell the whole story on this blog, it's to long for that but I will repeat the central message before I go on to write a blog on my thoughts and feelings about betrayal and its partner in crime, abandonment.
'Three types of people will break your heart. The first, will be those who do not feel or see what you see. The second, will be those who catch a glimpse of The Love That All Is in you. They will lie to you and convince you otherwise. The third type, will see you as you are and fear you. They will seek to control, manipulate and destroy you in the name of The Love That All Is. Each time your heart will be broken. The Love That All Is will come in and wash away your tears and expand your heart. The final time, your heart will be broken open so that The Love That All Is can pour through your heart, around you and connect you to everywhere. This is what you came here to do. To pour The Love That Never Ends into and onto this world of fractured reality'. - Perveen A Zaman 2007.
Note: Reproduced as printed in the magazine article.
Betrayal then, is an experience we all share to one degree or another; an experience that may happen only once, or it can be a constant companion throughout all or part of our lives. Betrayal can be experienced before birth and can happen after death. Before birth is the unwanted foetus growing in the womb; itself conceived by an act of betrayal. Before birth is the betrayal of the mother who plans to pass her burden onto others; to abandon her child. That's two betrayals then before you are even born! No wonder children are born angry. After death is the betrayal of the sons, the daughters, the brothers, the sisters and anyone else for that matter, who seeks to ignore the wishes and values of the deceased, all in the name of greed, personal gain or just plain nastiness. Betrayal comes in all sorts of guises and degrees of pain; false declarations, the breaking of promises and vows, the undermining of confidence and the deliberate destruction of another human being. Betrayal can strike you down without giving notice or it can hide away, out of sight; you know the term, 'what the eyes can't see, the heart doesn't grieve over'. Betrayal can be the word of youth; who doesn't feel betrayed when their so-called best friend reveals whispered secrets to others and, who doesn't feel betrayed when your girlfriend or boyfriend dumps you for someone else! Betrayal can be death dealing; it can be a sudden death or it can take years. Betrayal inhabits the mind of the betrayer but manifests in the physical world; its undercurrents though are far more dangerous. If not recognised for what they are and dealt with, these undercurrents will erode your emotional and mental well-being and they will eat your soul. I should know, I've been there! A little about abandonment. People are abandoned at sea, cats and dogs are abandoned on the streets, children are abandoned by their parents, husbands and wives abandon their families for a lover; the list goes on. All of this abandonment arises from betrayal; nothing more, nothing less. The above story then contains a truth (at least for me) about how we can recover from betrayal and abandonment and how we become the better for it. So, what has this got to do with my body-mind stuff and running? Well, if I am to follow through with my earlier blogs on how your body speaks your mind, then I must continue with my self imposed health check in order to remove or at least negate any residual influences that my past life experiences may still have on me, my body and of course my running. It's as simple as that.
End note: My running, when I am able to run of course, enhances that connection with the 'everywhere' of the above story, nowhere more so than when out running the trails and as per my blog on Why Do I run?
Byeee.
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